Is Having a Boyfriend REALLY THAT Embarrassing? - A Debrief on the *New* Hot Seat Vogue Fall 2025 Article
There was a time when love was a spectacle - shouted from rooftops, captured in handwritten letters, and celebrated for the World to see, for people everywhere to witness. Now, Vogue poses a new haunting question: “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” Right when the article dropped, Tiktok, Instagram and bloggers were flooding this article with appraisal and coined it as an incredibly strong feminist opinion piece. However, for a Vogue opinion piece - this has sparked debates amongst singles and those in relationships. Because, seriously - have we grown too cool for love, or just too afraid to show it?
I will say; when I first read the headline: Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing by Chanté Joseph I instantaneously created a bias in my head. At first, I was excited about the piece and even thought that the literacy was flawless with the points made. However, looking back and rereading the article I was blinded with my rose coloured glasses of anchoring bias and the framing effect.
Anchoring bias: a cognitive bias that causes us to rely heavily on the first piece of information we are given about a topic.
Framing effect: a cognitive bias where people’s decisons are influenced by how information is presented, rather than the information itself.
When I first read the title I simply ran with it - I was like “hell yeah, boys are embarrassing” and felt empowered by the title. More so, that it blinded me to an article that had the potential and the construct to be such a good in depth piece.
And to those who say, “well this isn’t some academic in depth paper to begin with. It is an opinion piece by VOGUE” - I beg to differ. Because although it was a statement article, it had all the potential to really hammer the true meaning of what the writer meant by. Whether it was a short essay format or an APA research article; I believe you can simply nail down your ideas with good construction of the opinions you’re embedding and the contrasts you may want to spark!
I would like to point out that the first sentence opening the piece is incredibly eye-catching and bold: “if someone so much as says “my boyf–” on social media, they’re muted".” With just the headline and the opening title it perfectly molds the bias that many people went into with while reading this article.
As you read on further within the piece, Chantè does an amazing job of encapsulating such strong statements from various women, in and outside of relationships. However, I do believe that the two contrasting sides could have been melded together to hammer down the point that so many women seemingly glossed over.
A women, Nikki, 38 claims that - “Even though I am a romantic, I still feel like men will embarrass you even 12 years in, so claiming them feels so lame.” Another, Stephanie Yeboah in the article states that “there is a part of me that would also feel guilty for sharing my partner constantly - especially when we know the dating landscape is really bad at the moment.” With both of these statements - I can honestly solidly agree and understand their sides. To be quite frank, a lot of the statements I could agree with. However, the claims and statements made in the article added to the effect of glossing over the true understanding of what (I felt) that the writer was trying to get across.
After all the claims that the author wrote within the opinion piece - Chantè’s overall statement was buried amongst all the buzz and biases.
She closes off with a statement stating “Where being single was once a cautionary tale (you’ll end up a “spinster” with loads of cats), it is now becoming a desirable and coveted status—another nail in the coffin of a centuries-old heterosexual fairytale that never really benefited women to begin with.” With this statement, I would like to point out how it kind of resonates with the whole idea/theme of a girl with a boyfriend versus being a girlfriend. It's not necessarily the idea that having a boyfriend is bad or that being in love is embarrassing; more so the idea that as women today - our value is no longer dependent on a man.
I would like to point to the infamous Dolly Alderton book: Everything I know About Love - there was this one quote that coincides with my point in my book that states: “I’ve watched it time and time again—a woman always slots into a man’s life better than he slots into hers. She will be the one who spends the most time at his flat, she will be the one who makes friends with all his friends and their girlfriends. She will be the one who sends his mother a bunch of flowers on her birthday. Women don’t like this rigmarole any more than men do, but they’re better at it—they just get on with it.”
Back then, women were valued and taught to be an accessory within a man’s life; however, nowadays the script has flipped. Women are no longer bending to “slot themselves” into a man’s life, but instead are standing firm on their own terms - their own timelines, careers, and dreams. As a result, the thought of men and dating has been put on the back burner, with many women choosing to date only when the man truly matches them. Because of this societal shift and women breaking the stereotype of their worth within a heterosexual relationship, we’ve seen a defiant uproar reflected in this article and in broader societal behavior.
Overall, I think there’s a balance when it comes to privacy in a relationship. It should never be embarrassing to genuinely gush about your partner, but it does become uncomfortable when they’re placed on a pedestal. I believe that’s what Chantè was trying to highlight. Being single is great, and having a partner who adds to your life is great too - and both can be amazing in their own ways. However, there’s a growing movement of women reclaiming their power, where the last thing meant to impress other women and society in general is by simply having a man.
All my love,
Brejette Nepa